I'll Skip on Fermented Things

I was just served a nice big glass of Boddington's Pub Ale. This, I have been learned, is a considerable upgrade from both the watery mediocrity of Bud Lite and the kiddie soda-pop vibe of Smirnoff Ice.

I've tried the last two, so I decided I'd go ahead and try the ale, supposedly a real man's drink. Let's clarify here, though, that I am by no means a connoisseur (I had to spell check that word) of alcoholic beverages. As previously mentioned, I'm new to drinking. I've picked up the opinions of others but I have no idea what makes a light ale light and a dark one dark. I assume it has to do with the number of light bulbs in the ingredients. Additionally, I have no clue what many drinks taste like except for a sip or two, and for the most part they taste all the same to me. So between you and me, we know this is not my strong suit.

So I have some Boddington's. Maybe half the glass. And you know what?

I didn't like it. Nope. No thanks. Even if I did like the taste, and I really don't, with every sip I took I felt like I was trying to be someone I wasn't. Like I was drinking just to do it and not because I wanted to. Like I was faking an enjoyment for the crowd--being a poseur (it's spelled that way, I'm not trying to be fancy with all these Frenchy words) really.

And I hate poseurs. I really do. I'll rant about them all day. In fact, I do in my Minecraft playthrough here. I can't stand the thought of pretending to be someone I'm not just to get other people to like me or find me interesting. It's so irritatingly vain and shallow. Take, for instance, two people I met recently, one of whom has a Jeep.

He loves his Jeep a lot. That's great, he could shut the fuck up about it every once in a while, but he's happy with his Jeep. While he was fawning over it one day I joked that we should put his Jeep next to my Kawasaki Vulcan LTD and see which girls will like better. He then proceeded to challenge my Vulcan with his Harley-Davidson. I inquired as to whether or not he actually owned a Harley-Davidson and responded affirmatively, but after asking him if he bought it, he revealed that it was his father's bike and he didn't actually have a motorcycle license.

You lying motherfucker. And he said "my Harley." See, I can say my Vulcan is my bike because I am a co-owner, my father being the other co-owner. The motorcycle is in both our names and I shelled out the same amount of cash as he did for that bike, AND I have my license. For reference, here's our bike:

For further reference, here's Jeep Guy's bike:

I hope you get the joke.

What's worse is that he proceeded to try to tell other people he had a Harley. In front of me. You had better believe I shot that self-centered ego boosting down real quick.

Another example the same day, again with motorcycles! Some fifteen year old nimrod tried to impress me by saying he street raced sport bikes and one time he got in a street race with some fella on, again, a Harley-Davidson. I'll repeat that he's about fifteen and let you do the rest. Fuses were exploding in my head.

What I'm trying to get at? Don't ever, ever be a poseur, and especially don't pretend to be something you're not to impress people or best someone in a dick measuring contest. It's okay to be not as good as someone in something else. Don't take it as a challenge, take it as an opportunity to learn from someone who is different from you. I have a motorcycle and I know some balisong tricks, but I don't know how to fix a car and I don't know much of anything about alcoholic beverages, something I think we've all understood by now. So if I meet a guy who is real handy or he's got a good taste in liquor, I don't pretend like I can fix my motorcycle (I can calibrate the side mirrors) or that I know anything about alcohol.

Just advice, I'm not trying to tell anyone how to live their life.